A good piece by Miriam Novogrodsky of the HuffPo, about the effects of lingering anger between parents upon the children, which really made me think about anger and kids. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/miriam-novogrodsky/harboring-resentiment-bad_b_1405288.html?ref=divorce I often like to tell my clients that being able to move on from anger in their divorce or split-up (a lot of custody cases aren’t between married people) is valuable and necessary for both their own health and their children’s health.
“. . .they will see their ex at their child’s occasion, and have a knot in their stomach from that simmering resentment.”
Even when we have a client that “wins” (I try to avoid to use that word regarding custody of children), I tell them that they need to let go of the anger against their ex, even if well-deserved. This is especially so because they’re going to share this connection of their child for years to come. There will be happy occasions like their child’s school performance or graduation — and if they are still holding that anger — they will see their ex at their child’s occasion, and have a knot in their stomach from that simmering resentment. What should be a memorable, celebratory event becomes one of anger and discomfort. Then I ask the question, “is that ‘winning’?” Because to me, really “winning” means being happyandhaving happy, healthy kids. A parent putting aside one’s anger against their ex is good for both them and their children.